Real Men On Top
HOW PATRIARCHY SHAPES OUR REALITY
Robin Dembroff
A revelatory lens on patriarchy—as a force that governs how we see the world, live in our bodies & imagine our futures
DESCRIPTION
In Real Men on Top, Robin Dembroff shows us that we don’t just live in a patriarchal world. We live in a world that patriarchy taught us to see. Patriarchy is not simply a system where men dominate women, Dembroff argues. It is a deeper reality-shaping force that legitimizes economic exploitation, political injustice, and social cruelty by dividing all of us into the rigid categories of Man, Woman, Animal, and Child.
These categories are presented as natural truths, but Dembroff reveals them as man-made myths—ones that construct a reality in which being characterized as Woman, Animal, or Child marks moral degradation. By no coincidence, feminization, dehumanization, and infantilization are the very degradations used to make a man ‘less of a man’.
But this book is more than critique; it’s also a guide to transformation—especially for those grappling with what it means to be a man under patriarchy. Patriarchy’s myths celebrate the identity Man, but these myths are no friend to most men. Promising strength and superiority, they instead fuel isolation, emotional repression, and relentless pressure to prove oneself—while propping up systems that enrich the powerful few. Rather than deliver freedom and prosperity, these myths entrap and impoverish. Real Men on Top invites readers to see through them—and, in so doing, to find new possibilities for living, relating, and becoming human.
Sharp, daring, and deeply felt, Real Men on Top is a book for anyone who senses that something is wrong with the way we live—and wants to understand how we got here, and where we might begin the work of remaking reality.
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ADVANCED PRAISE
“As a person who has been studying and fighting patriarchy most of my life, Real Men on Top took me to a whole new level of understanding. It deeply transformed my consciousness around gender. Dembroff has nailed the next evolutionary steps needed in dismantling a devastating paradigm that as they brilliantly show, encompasses and destroys us all.”
— V (formerly Eve Ensler), author of The Vagina Monologues and The Apology
“Real Men On Top deftly dissects and discards patriarchy’s logic of biological supremacy, then reveals what’s left — a shadow play propelled by the flimsiest of narratives. By demonstrating clearly how even the men who purportedly benefit from these stories are also exploited, this elegant treatise offers us all a salvational alternative. Robin Dembroff releases our chains, guides us gently out of the cave, and helps us begin to adjust to the shimmering reality outside.”
— Alison Bechdel, author of Dykes to Watch Out For and Fun Home: A Family Tragicomic
“Brilliant, timely, and deeply heartfelt, Real Men on Top is a must-read for anyone invested in making gender less of a weapon and masculinity less toxic. In today’s world, that might be hoped to include all of us. Dembroff has achieved that rare feat: a rigorous yet approachable book that will pull you in from the very first page.”
— Kate Manne, author of Down Girl: The Logic of Misogyny
“Real Men on Top is a stunning work of philosophy that explains why insights from gender studies are so feared by authoritarian regimes. In plain language, Dembroff illuminates gender as the internal logic of our current fascist moment — how it divides us from each other and enriches the wealthy few.”
— Jason Stanley, author of How Fascism Works: The Politics of Us and Them
“A brilliant book! With stunning clarity, Dembroff cuts through the myths about gender, and shows how patriarchy isn’t just bad for women. It’s bad for everyone.”
— Elizabeth Anderson, author of Hijacked: How Neoliberalism Turned the Work Ethic against Workers and How Workers Can Take It Back
“This deeply humane book opened my mind. Robin Dembroff offers a radical and provocative account of patriarchy, written with compassion for those caught in its grip. Real Men on Top is beautifully written, consistently surprising, and will change how you think about gender and yourself.”
— Paul Bloom, author of Psych: The Story of the Human Mind
“Kimberlé Crenshaw once said, ‘If you can’t name it, you can’t see it, and if you can’t see it, you can’t change it.’ Robin Dembroff enables us to do all three in a book that is at once insightful, challenging, and accessible. Here, philosophy becomes a conversation with history, sociology, science, and critical theory; one that helps us grasp both the legacy we’ve inherited and the task that lies ahead. Dembroff compels us to name the problem of patriarchy… [and] forces us to confront the world in which it harms everyone. In response, we are invited to transform ourselves and our society: to reclaim masculine virtues, confront patriarchal myths, and engage in critical self-interrogation about why we cling to these myths and why we must let them go. Real Men on Top is precisely the kind of book we need to help us see this cultural and political moment clearly, and to act toward genuine understanding and change.”
— Myisha Cherry, author of Failures of Forgiveness and The Case for Rage
“Leave it to the brilliant Robin Dembroff to make you see patriarchy like you’ve never seen it before. Their book unpacks not only how gender hurts women in ways we often overlook, but also how it harms the very men it supposedly benefits — and renders people like me, with bodies that don’t fit binary scripts, nearly unthinkable. Read it and get your world turned upside down.”
— Riki Wilchins, author of Let’s (Not) Talk About (Transgender) Sex
“Real Men on Top is a profound and necessary book. By exposing the myths that sustain this illusion of ‘Man’ as superior — Male, Human, Adult — Dembroff invites us to imagine a more compassionate and connected way of living, one that honors the dignity of all beings.”
— Lori Gruen, author of Ethics and Animals and Entangled Empathy: An Alternative Ethic for Our Relationships with Animals